Michael The Romantic - Part Two
by jonny-hunter01
Summary: The long awaited sequel to a script I wrote 8 years ago. Michael is still looking for the love of his life.


**MICHAEL THE ROMANTIC – PART TWO AND A HALF**

**(Just incase you didn't read part one, here is a quick re-cap. Michael is a lonely serial killer who wants a girlfriend. He starts to date a famous singer who coincidentally shares the same name as another famous singer, but dumps her. Then he meets Carrie, the love of his life. They get on very well, but unfortunately J'Lo gets jealous very easily and kills Carrie)**

**Chapter One – Skullfuckin**

It's really bloody freezing out here. The wind is starting to piss me off, and I'm pretty sure I've cut myself on a thorn, but being something I need to do. Walking to her grave feels like it's taking forever. As I'm doing so, I glance both ways, taking note of the many gravestones around me. I wonder how many of these dead people were murdered just like the love of my life. I notice a couple of mourners kneeling down near somebodies grave. Their flowers look better than mine, but I don't care, I know they can't be feeling the same pain as me. If there was some way of measuring pain on a kind of magical scale, mine would be the top end, on the world's highest cliff, and then I'd jump off that god damn cliff so I no longer have to feel this lonely. Ah, I'm here. I can only just about read her name on the stone through the river of rain swimming over the font. It doesn't say much underneath, just the year she was born, murdered, beloved daughter etc. I find that part laughable because her mam is a complete bitch. She's somehow got worse since Carrie died as well. I swear that woman is on her period 48 hours a day. I start lowering myself to the ground and gently place one knee down to keep my balance. Jesus, I really need to start doing more exercise. I didn't even realise it was possible to feel this kind of thundering ache in my knee joint. I move my right hand holding the rose and hover it above the ground for a silent minute. I try to cry, but my eyes remain dry apart from the barrage of rain gushing down my cheeks from the back of my head. I guess I really am an emotionless bastard (a girl said this to me once in School, unfortunately for her, I cut her throat five years later, cheeky bitch).  
"I miss you Carrie, so much. I know we never got to spend much time together but," and then I hear it, the sound of laughing, mocking, somewhere behind me. I turn around in fury and notice those mourners from the other grave pointing and laughing at me. My eyes quickly lower to their hands and I see they're holding a skull from a skeleton. Obviously not the kind of skeleton you see in a science classroom, but of an actual human. These aren't mourners whatsoever, just a pair of boys who seem to have a crazy fetish for stealing heads from the ground. I don't even wanna guess what they're going to do with that skull when they take it home. I mean there's a couple of sensible sized holes there they could use if that's what turns them on, but surely not?  
"We were just going to go home and fuck this skull, but then we spotted you over here and we knew we just had to come make fun of you instead." Turns out I was right.  
"What do you want arsehole?" I scream in my most manly voice. I can feel my knife resting coolly against my leg in my right pocket. I really don't wanna use it though, it has been weeks since my last kill and I'm trying to turn my life around, but these dickheads sure are making it tempting.  
"What do we want?" the ugly one on the right shouts back at me.  
"Yes, I just asked you that, idiot."  
"We want to fuck your mam."  
"Oh, really original boys. Why don't you go home so I can mourn my girlfriend here in peace?"  
"Can't do that I'm afraid. You see, you're wearing this stupid white mask so we just have to come over and terrorise you. You make it too easy." I sigh, a really big fat heavy, smelly sigh because I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. I take out my knife and start to walk towards them pretty quickly. I can see fear instantly filling both their eyes. One of them drops the skull which is a shame because I'm sure that skull was really looking forward to getting fucked tonight. Then they both turn and run away. Too easy my arse. Those boys were the easy ones. Yeah I've still got it, I can still scare when I need to, and best of all, still four weeks without a kill. Rock n' roll.

**Chapter Two – Jason loves his tequila**

As per usual, the radio in my car sure is playing some shit music tonight. I turn the knob at least a dozen times to find a better station, but I'm still constantly bombarded with the same generic tripe that the kids listen to. Those two boys probably listen to this shite whilst they fuck skulls and stick dead fingers up their arseholes. What the hell is wrong with the youth of today? I was never like this. When I was their age I would ride my bike around the park, play some sports, watch porn, and occasionally decapitate the odd animal in the park. I got most of my erections early in life when I was murdering stray dogs, but let's not go into details. I'm nearly home, but of course before I get home I always pass my local dive which tonight features some strippers. I think my mam was a stripper once, but I haven't let this psychologically damage me or anything, I still appreciate the female form believe me, just more so when the female happens to be dead and bleeding all over my floor, mmm. Oh god I need to snap out of this. No Michael, no! Four weeks is a good record, remember that. Oh would you look at that, my car has somehow ended up in the parking lot. I turn the shitty radio off and make my way into the bar.

It smells of stale cigarettes which I love, the music is loud, but at least it suits the sleazy atmosphere. The men in here look suitably creepy and old. They look pretty disgusting the way they sit there with massive boners leering up at the tits on display. They probably wish they could just have a wank right there in their seats if it wasn't so frowned upon. Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with your friend whilst he sits there and wanks? Would be a bit awkward I guess. I plough myself onto a stool at the bar and wait for the barman who I guess is pretty good looking for a dude. If I was gay I'd definitely go there. I thought I was gay once when I was younger, so I decided to kidnap a jock from school, tie him up, did a few things to him and I enjoyed it, but of course I had to kill him incase he told anyone.  
"He'll have tequila, make that two, actually twelve, it's probably going to be a looooong night" Jason shouted to the hot barman. Oh jeez, not Jason again. He pops up here every bloody time I do, and for some reason insists on buying me drinks. I think it's a guilt thing. Ever since Carrie died and he read about her death in the paper he's felt awful because he treat her terribly on their date. I sit and wait for Jason to bring the twelve tequilas over. I really can't be arsed with him tonight, I just want to sit and watch the strippers and try my best to not touch my boner. He sits on the stool next to me.  
"Cheers dude" I say and take a shot, which is quite a hard thing to do whilst wearing this mask.  
"Just use a straw you fanny" Jason barks. He rams a straw through a tiny hole on his mask near his mouth and gulps down his tequila quicker than lightening.  
"So how you been?" he asks.  
"Shit. I just tried taking some flowers to her grave, but I got interrupted by some twats".  
"You kill em?"  
"Nearly." At this response, he over enthusiastically pats me on the back which makes me drop my next shot.  
"Excellent, you're still on track. They'll be really proud of you down at the old… what's it called again?"  
"The No More Killing Innocents Society Group" I reply whilst wiping the shot off the bar with my sleeve.  
"You want another?" the barman asks me. I wave him away with my hand. He's definitely attractive. I may just have to tie him up within the next few weeks.  
"I'm lonely though man, so lonely. I'm nothing without her. She was my moon you know" I whimper.  
"This is no time for amateur poetry. What you need my man, is speed dating. I tried it last week and I got laid just this morning. Chicks love the serial killer angle I'm telling you."  
"Really? Sounds pretty scary. I mean, obviously not as scary as you and I with our masks on. By the way, yours is looking a little dirty."  
"Shut the fuck up man, my mask is clean. That bitch loved it this morning when I kept it on."  
"What is it with these girls and our masks anyway?" I ask downing another shot. The barman is becoming more and more attractive the drunker I get. I expect an "accidental" toilet encounter might be coming up soon.  
"I dunno, I think it's just the danger you know. Will we or won't we stab them to death during sex?".  
"I just feel sorry for Freddy and Leatherface. Poor bastards never get any action because they have such hideous faces. At least we hide ours. I know Leatherface tries to hide his, but gluing over people's skin on top of your own isn't really going to turn the ladies on is it?"  
"I totally agree. I bet if the guy just got a bit more pussy he'd put down that chainsaw and stop being so god damn angry all the time."  
"I hear ya sister". I fist pump Jason. I'm having a whale of a time.  
"Alright, I'll do it. I'll go speed dating. It's about time I started getting over her." Jason smiles, stands up and gives me a hug which I've never had from him before. I embrace it, and wrap my arms around him tightly. He doesn't smell as nice as Carrie, but it's comforting.  
"Now if you'll excuse me" he whispers, breaking away, "I have a 12 year old kid tied up at home just waiting to have her eyeballs gauged out." At this, he walks away and leaves the bar. I turn to look at the barman and realise he's being chatted up by Pinhead. Fucking movie serial killers, always the same, always bloody experimenting with their sexuality.

**Chapter three – Dating, the speedy way**

For some utterly bizarre reason, the speed-dating event is happening in a church. I feel wrong being here, like God is judging me. Okay, I know I don't need to specifically be in a church for the man upstairs to judge me. I'm sure he was frowning that time I murdered three old ladies as they walked home from bingo, or the time I murdered a dog in front of its owner by removing its head and then placing it neatly on the child's bike seat, but that doesn't matter. I'm a changed man remember. No, God is definitely judging me because of those rather nasty sexual things I did to the barman in the toilet yesterday after I finished talking to Jason and Pinhead went home. Let's just say that toilet cubicle will never see filthy action like that again for a long time. God hates fags. I know this. We all know this. Oh boy, Leatherface is here. I can't believe it. Doesn't he realise how ugly he is? I sigh underneath my breath as he walks over to me.  
"nwhayahaototio nwnwii hgi tin iie!"  
"Dude, I can't understand you when you have all that human skin hanging from your mouth" I tell him.  
"whuai ntntjjjjoooooooooooooooonnnn ."  
"Yes I definitely think you should see the doctor about that"  
"nneuee jhhi tineho iokaieett!"  
"No, that's just wrong. I've told you before to at least let the kids get past the age of 5 before you start hanging them up on your damn meat hooks or whatever crazy shit you got going on down in your dungeon you weirdo."  
"nwkwowksn iuhittyntykhkhgkhgkghh."  
"Of course I'll come with you to see it, I love Sandra Bullock, now leave me alone, you're cramping my style." Leatherface walks over to his first date for the evening who is Paula Abdulla, not THE Paula Abdul of American Idol fame, obviously. I look at my watch and realise it's my time to go. I re-adjust my mask so it looks straighter and head over to a desk in the corner of the room where my first date awaits. She looks okay, around 35 years old, brown hair, not as hot as Paula Abdul. I can't believe for the first time in my life I'm actually jealous of Leatherface. I sit down opposite her and hold out my hand. She looks at me confused.  
"What are you doing?" she asks.  
"Shaking your hand" I reply, still holding my arm out. She slowly reaches her arm over and shakes my arm. I can tell this is not going well. I don't care, she has manky, yellow teeth anyway.  
"You don't really know how dates work do you?" she asks me with a really sarcastic tone.  
"Are you always so rude? No wonder you're single. Also, do you ever brush your teeth? Jesus woman, make some effort." (I know I'm being a hypocrite here, but so what) She looks at me mortified. I see a slight tear forming in her right eye. I feel unbelievably pleased with myself as she stands and walks to her next date. A much more attractive girl sits in front of me.  
"Hi" she whispers, "I'm Mary, and I am THE biggest fan of 50 Shades Of Grey. Please, be my Christian Grey. I want you to fuck me sideways, torture me, tie me up, rape me, sexually abuse me, burn me, poison me, any kind of pain just please, give it to me." This, I can get on board with. But then I remember the promises I've made recently, and the breakthrough's I've made in group. I can't do this to myself.  
"No, I'm really sorry, but I no longer kill for fun. You'll have to go see Leatherface over there. I'm sure he will stick his chainsaw in places which will delight you." She gets up to leave. Paula Abdulla sits across me. I tell her I think American Idol is shite compared to The Voice. She leaves. Sidney Prescott from the Scream films sits down next.  
"Please just kill me Michael, I've survived four films. I need to die. I'm sick of surviving." I tell her I don't kill anymore. I'm about to give up when one more girl takes her place opposite me. She's beautiful. Quite easily the most beautiful thing I've seen for a long time. Her hair radiates sunlight and goodness, her skin is as smooth as milk, her eyes as blue as the sea. I need to marry her, treasure her, swim inside her.  
"Hi, I'm Nancy" she tells me. I recognise her from all those times Freddy tried to kill her. I can't believe he would ever want to remove this perfection from the world. The next 60 seconds are a complete blur, but I think they go well because she asks to see me again tomorrow for a second date.

**Chapter Four – The date to end all dates**

You might be wondering why Nancy is going on a second date with me, a serial killer, especially after all the ordeal she has gone through with Freddy, but I think she trusts me, and she's heard of the society I'm part of and all the great work we do.

She comes to pick me up for our second date in her car which is a rather fancy looking… something. I'm not really a car person. She looks stunning though in a little blue dress. Her hair is all wavy which I think is adorable. She smells like heaven. I'm pretty sure she must have the new Calvin Klein fragrance which is called Heaven coincidentally.  
"You look hot" she says. I know this is true because I'm wearing my best boiler suit.  
"Where we going?" I ask nervously. She doesn't even reply, just drives, and so begins the best night of my life.

We start by driving to a local restaurant which is a seafood restaurant and already I'm excited because I love seafood and she pays for everything which is great. She feeds all the stuff to me which is amazing because she has delicious fingers and the whole thing is rather sexual. People in the restaurant look at us in disgust and jealously but I don't care because a beautiful girl is feeding me prawns and I have a huge erection which luckily doesn't hurt in my pants because the boiler suit is a large so there's ample room for it to bulge outwards. We get dessert and lots of cream from her chocolate fudge cake dribbles all over her chin. She licks it all off seductively and I honestly think I'm going to explode. We get back in the car where she notices I still have a huge thingy so she gives me a quick hand job, right there in the street! I can't believe it, anyone could have walked past. Then we drive on to a local fun fair. We sit next to each other on the dodgems and bash into loads of kids. Then we go on the roller coaster then the waltzers and some other spinny upside down thing. There are so many lights and so much noise here, all blurring into one. The night is starting to turn into a haze. We hold hands as we walk amongst the stalls hooking ducks and throwing balls at coconuts. I win her a cuddly toy which she cherishes, but unfortunately for the toy it turns into a rag which I use on myself once we get in the car and she gives me another shifty wank. Then we go to a cocktail bar where she bullies me with drink after drink. We laugh at each other's jokes endlessly. We tongue each other aggressively. We go to the bathroom toilets and fuck courageously. I didn't even realise it was possible for my dick to be used so much in one night. After the cocktail bar she drunkenly drives us to the cinema to catch a late night film where we annoy everyone in there because we're constantly giggling and throwing popcorn and going down on one another in the tiny aisle between the seats. It's getting rather late but this doesn't stop Nancy who then takes us to a nightclub where we dance to some amazing 80's tracks. We even see Leatherface getting it on with Paula Abdul in there, then we bump into Freddy who seems pretty happy to see us together. I can't help but feel they're both watching us for a long time and I even see Freddy wink at Nancy weirdly, but I soon let it go. There's no time to ask Freddy how he's managed to escaped from dream world into our reality because Nancy drags me away and takes me to a hotel where we do unimaginable things on a waterbed and then slowly the night winds down, and as we lay there side by side smoking a cigarette I say,  
"Best night of my life, hands down." She simply smiles and goes to pick up her phone from her bag.  
"Sorry, but my flatmate has been ringing me all night. I'll just go see what she wants." I stare at the ceiling and listen in to her conversation, basking in the glorious feeling the day has produced. I feel like my whole body and mind is having an amazing orgasm and,  
"Just stop crying J'Lo, I'll be home soon." Everything comes crashing in around me. My heart stops beating. I quickly think of Carrie lying in her grave and the fucking bitch who murdered her. J'Lo, flatmate of the new love of my life. I can't believe it. A massive surge of anger fills me, the kind of anger I only ever felt before joining the No More Killing Innocents Society Group. I quickly reach over and grab Nancy by her throat. I shove her up against the wall.  
"WHERE DO YOU LIVE?" I scream at her. I release her throat a little so she tells me. Then I fiercely grab her neck again and snap it in two. Her corpse slowly collapses to the floor. I look at it feeling disgusted at myself, but excited at the same time. I finally know where she lives. I can avenge Carrie's death. I lower myself to the floor and pick up Nancy holding her gently in my arms.  
"I'm sorry" I whisper. I kiss her gently on her forehead and place her body onto the bed. I place the covers over her gingerly, and then I leave the room, get into a taxi and head over to her flat.

**Chapter five – I meet some old friends**

The night feels heavy. There's a cold crisp wind blowing in my ears. Some kids are screaming around me as they go from house to house begging for food. I didn't even realise it was Halloween night until I left my house earlier and noticed all the shitty costumes running back and forth. This is my night. Fate is obviously on my side to make sure I'm here on this one night of the year I'm famous for. I couldn't ask for a more perfect time to exact revenge. I've been standing outside her block of flats for about twenty minutes now trying to think of a plan. I can see the light on in her room so I know she's in there, probably planning some other horrible thing to do to some poor innocent serial killer. I can't wait to kill this cunt. The time is now. I walk forward and barge my way past some woman who's just exit the building. I walk up the stairs slowly and sternly (it's my style) with my favourite huge knife hanging by my side. She lives in room 45B. Definitely not her bra size. I knock on the door three times. My plan was just to barge in as soon as she opened the door like some kind of bulldozer, but to my surprise the door just slightly swings open. The first thought that comes to my head is that maybe somebody has broken in, but of course I was stupid to think this, because as soon as the door opened a giant hammer attached by some sturdy string swings down from above the door frame and smacks me straight in the face. I was knocked out cold. The bitch knew I was coming and planned it all along.

When I finally come back around, I'm tied to a chair in a small dark room with nothing in it but a TV. Also attached to my face is some kind of contraption which has a timer clicking down. I really don't want to think about what was going to happen when that timer reached zero. I'm sure I've seen a trap like this on the Saw films. Lo and behold, the tv turns itself on and the dickhead appears on screen wearing the Jigsaw costume. She looks absolutely ridiculous. She starts laughing furiously.  
"Oh Michael, you made it all too easy getting you here like this."  
"I am going to kill you so hard" is the best reply I can conjure.  
"Bitch please, You ain't ever going to get the chance. You need to escape my trap first of course. You officially have 5 minutes to prove that you really do love and admire me." Suddenly a little notch in the ceiling opens up and from it a large poster falls of J'Lo right in front of me.  
"You have 5 minutes to masturbate over this picture of me, then I'll set you free. Good luck." Oh jees, my dick still hurts from my date with Nancy. I'm not sure I can do this. I reach over and pull it out and start tugging on it gently to get it going. Maybe if I just close my eyes and think of someone else;  
"EYES OPEN" she screams at me. I open my eyes and pull furiously. It's only a semi, but this can work still. From the corner of my eye I can see the timer ticking down on the tv. Shit I only have a minute to go and I don't even feel close to an orgasm yet. All I do is try my hardest to mentally picture Paula Abdul's head on that body instead of J'Lo. It worked! After what is definitely the worst orgasm of my life, the trap comes free. The tv turns off and the door to the room opens. I take off the contraption and make my way out into the hallway.

There's hundreds and hundreds of pictures of me lining the wall. Just pictures of me reading novels in the park, going to the cinema to watch Twilight, buying some meat from the deli. This psycho is obsessed with me. I know I'm a pretty good looking guy, but this takes the biscuit. And then she appears at the end of the hallway. I take a tighter hold of my knife, but then I realise, she doesn't look right. She looks like Carrie.  
"Your good friend inspired me" she cackles. It looks as though she's raided Carrie's grave, cut off her face and stuck it over her own. A horrible churning sensation gurgles in my stomach. I puke a little in my mouth and then swallow it again.  
"How can you do this to me? All I ever wanted was a girlfriend. Why are you so determined to make sure I'm lonely and single forever?" I ask her. She starts to laugh frantically, hops up and down on the spot doing some crazy dance.  
"You're a fucking serial killer Michael. You're bound to be alone forever. Just accept the fact that nobody else will ever love you except me."  
"Nancy loved me, before I had to kill her to get to you."  
"No I'm sorry but that's simply not true. I sent her to that speed dating event to get to you, and it worked." I start to run, charging at her. She quickly disappears into a room and out of another door comes her bodyguard. No it can't be. It just can't.

"Yo Mike, how's it hanging?" Busta says to me. Busta also coincidentally looks like a famous person who was in one of my films once ;) Busta, the only guy who's ever stood up to me. The only victim I've ever walked away from. This guy seems to produce some kind of unstoppable aura that I can't compete against. I feel myself turning into a weak child right there in the hallway. I collapse onto the floor and drop my knife. I start to cry into my hands.  
"All I want is my Carrie" I sob. Busta doesn't feel sorry for me, of course he doesn't. Instead he just kicks me in the rib over and over again. I start coughing up blood all over the brown carpet. I can feel myself edging closer and closer to death. A bright white light is glaring at me. I can't believe I'm actually going to heaven. God does like serial killing womanising fags afterall. Carrie is stood in the light. I can't feel any pain when she's looking at me.  
"Do something you lazy fuck, you're supposed to be avenging my death!" she shouts. She certainly never gave me this kind of attitude when she was alive. I somehow muster up the energy to grab Busta's leg as he goes to kick me. I see his eyes widen with shock as I twist his leg at an impossible angle. He falls to the floor. I quickly reach over to grab my knife from the floor and slam it straight into his forehead. And then I slam the knife into both his eyes. Then I push his corpse down the stairs for good measure.

I make my way over to the room where J'Lo is hiding. I push open the door and she's stood there with Jason, Freddy, Ghostface, Leatherface, Pinhead, monster from Jeepers Creepers, the actual Jigsaw, Candyman, Norman Bates, what's her face from Paranormal Activity, all standing In front of her, protecting her. They all look at me brandishing their weapons.  
"Wha, what's going on guys?" I whisper. They all start to walk towards me. The door behind me closes. J'Lo starts laughing.  
"You're the last one Michael. I've had all of these losers under control for years now. It's all part of my mission to control and sexually abuse all the famous horror movie killers. Why do you think Jason suggested you to go to the speed dating event? I had to make sure you would be there to meet Nancy. None of these guys are your friends you socially inept, loser." I can't even think of a response. A few tears start to form, but it's too late. Leatherface's chainsaw quickly removes my right arm. Jason takes off my left with his machete. Ghostface stabs me in the chest. Freddy stabs me in my back with his finger knives. Pinhead makes my right leg explode somehow. Jeepers Creepers guy removes my eyeball then sticks his tongue into my empty sockets. Jigsaw just sits there and does nothing because he's shit. Candyman and Norman carry on stabbing me. Paranormal Activity girl just walks around screaming. So much pain, so much agony, but all this is gone because I can see Carrie again in the bright light. She holds my hand and it feels wonderful. She's walking me into heaven.

But then the light is taken away from me. I'm in darkness. Sweaty, cold, horrible disgusting darkness. I'm lying face down on the floor. I can't feel my own mind. I can't control my body. I have all my limbs and eyes back, but they are not mine. They are hers. She makes me stand up in the room with all the other killers. She eyeballs us all one at a time smiling to herself and starts cackling,  
"My army, complete at last" and then we all start to walk. We leave the room, head down the stairs and enter the street. Just one massive serial killing zombie esque machine hell bent on killing anybody we come across. Don't get in our way.

**The End**

**Written by J Hunter.**


End file.
